Acceptance

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Acceptance is a core motivator for most people. We all want to be accepted for who we are and yet many times we’re afraid to reveal the darker side of ourselves. The primary reason we’d be afraid to do that is because we long for acceptance. Influential American psychologist and founder of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers, illuminates this point in his belief, “what is most personal is most universal.” Roger’s statement raises to your conscious that whatever you’re afraid of not being acceptable about yourself is close to, or is exactly what the person across from you is worried about as well. For example, I would even go as far to say that every woman I know is self-conscious about their body, whether it be an issue of weight, age, beauty etc. Allowing yourself to believe lies or negative thoughts manifests itself into deep shame, which at the core was the desire to be accepted.

In the most basic sense, Acceptance is described by Steven Reiss, Psychology and Psychiatry professor emeritus at Ohio State University, as “the need to be appreciated” or “the desire for inclusion.” This particular passion is highly influenced by a person’s upbringing and their own development of self image and self-esteem. Children that are accepted by their parents for their true personality develop a sense of self-confidence and worth at young age, which often carries over into their adult life. Conversely, children who are rejected by their families lack self-confidence and don’t develop a sense of belonging, thus leading to significant psychological detriments into their adult life and the desire for acceptance.This often early established desire to please and be accepted can manifest itself in many negative ways. Such deep shame stemming from the desire to be accepted can lead to dysfunctional behavior and, in some cases, can turn into violence or abusive behavior toward yourself and others. For instance, in some extreme cases this immense amount of shame combined with another base passion of Beauty can become life-threatening to many women when embodying perfection becomes an obsession, as was the case for Ekaterina Karabasheva in this powerful talk. She didn't want to just be known as the "smart, kind of chubby girl," but desired to be accepted as the, "smart, beautiful, girl," which had lethal circumstances. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEQs3z8SydgAs Katerina acknowledges,learning to accept yourself is much easier said than done. Psychologist, Carl Jung, agreed, stating

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

There is an abundance of articles on the internet right now which claim that you can accept yourself by following their ten simple steps to self-acceptance. Nothing about self-acceptance is easy, and I don't think it can be done in such a specific number of steps. It is a journey which might take your whole life, and that's fine. Along the way, you will grow and build relationships that you might not have before, all contributing to the path to accepting yourself. In my practice, it is initially very difficult to get someone to think positively about themselves if they are struggling with the need for acceptance. I tell them to imagine a young child, maybe 5 or 6 years old (or whatever they care about) and ask them what kind of things they would say to them. Everyone said that they would say kind, supportive things to them. Now, you must practice saying those things to yourself. At first, it may seem unnatural but the goal is to help people feel comfortable being uncomfortable. This will take different amounts of time for everyone, as all people grow at different rates. Going back to the metaphor of gardening, though some plants may grow slowly and some fast, my job is to create the conditions in which they are intended to grow individually.Lastly, I'm usually not a huge fan of Oprah's "self-help" talks, but I thought this woman had a kind of light-hearted, inspiring outlook on accepting yourself in your own badass glory.

"When we seek from a place of wholeness, of knowing that I am already a badass, I just want to create some more badassery in my life, that's when we grow in a sustainable way."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLeKXUx6lCQSharing Yourself Without Worrying About Being AcceptedReleasing the Need of Acceptance & Fear of being Judged